


Quiet Cannon

by Stone_Princess



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Episode Related, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-04
Updated: 2004-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-26 10:07:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stone_Princess/pseuds/Stone_Princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex wants more than he thinks he has.  (Spun off from the episodes "Shattered" and "Asylum.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet Cannon

**Author's Note:**

> Thank to my beautiful betas: Joyfulgirl, for patience above and beyond when I need someone to look it at right now. Velvetglove for moving me to the top of the list even when I don't deserve it. Rhiannonhero for duty above and beyond and for not killing me when I can't keep my tenses straight.

* * *

"I'm yours, Lex," Clark whispers as they lie sated, sticky and warm in what is surely an afterglow for Clark, but always remains a tunnel of confusion for Lex.

 _You aren't mine, you aren't mine, you aren't mine_ , throbs through Lex's thoughts with every beat of his heart throughout the night while Clark sleeps beside him.

Lex watches Clark sleep in the dim pre-dawn. Afraid to wake him, Lex resists the urge to put his hand on Clark's chest, to anchor himself with Clark's heartbeat. When Clark is here, he belongs to Lex. But sometimes, even when they are alone in this room, this bed, it doesn't feel like Clark is really here. Lex can't remember if it was like this before his time at Belle Reve, or if, perhaps, somehow Lionel's shock treatments took away more than his memory. Maybe they took Clark away from him too.

Lex feels the change in light before his eyes see it, as the faintest traces of sunrise creep into the room. Clark will soon wake up and disappear into the dawn in order to get home before he's noticed missing. Lex has never shared well, has always been given everything he wants. Lex knows that they are bound by something more than the accident on the bridge years ago. He feels it when Clark touches him, feels something more than words can say burning between them. It makes Lex want to take Clark somewhere secret, to make a world that is just them. But Clark doesn't belong to him, and Lex knows he has to share him with the world.

Clark has family, has friends. He moves with purpose, making things better for the people he loves. Lex is on top of the world, poised to own everything he touches, but it all feels so hollow. The only thing he wants is Clark, but he can’t own Clark. Clark has something more than Lex does, more than friends and family, more than purpose. Clark is something else, and Lex doesn’t understand what it is, but he knows that Clark’s reason to be is hidden from him, one more important thing that Lex lost, if he ever even knew it. And whatever that secret is, Clark is keeping it from him now.

Soft kisses at the base of his skull rouse Lex from his brooding. He rolls to face Clark and is rewarded by Clark burrowing into his arms, pressing his face into Lex's neck.

"I don't wanna go," Clark pouts, the sleepy mumble of his voice further blurring against Lex's skin.

"Yes, but you have to," Lex whispers magnanimously into Clark's dark curls.

*****

Lex's legitimate business is time-consuming enough, but tracking whatever his father is up to is almost a full-time job in itself. Lex's days contain no allowance for thoughts of his own. Since Belle Reve, he's had to work twice as hard to prove himself, not only to his father, but to his clients and employees as well. Details fill every thought, but somehow Clark is always still there in Lex's mind, an echo humming under everything else.

The city and sky outside Lex's office window is grey. Clark is a bright spot of color that comes in the middle of the night. Something to look forward to.

*****

When Clark fails to appear one night, the echo of Clark bubbles up, becoming a voice that tells Lex to panic. He's alarmed at how dependent he's become on Clark's presence every night. It's as if Clark anchors him to this world and Lex will disengage from human interaction if Clark does not ground him. Lex suppresses the worry as he works through the following day, but finds himself stopping at the Kent farm on his way home. He needs to know what would keep Clark from him.

It's late, nearly nine, but when Lex pulls up, the farmhouse blazes with light, crackles with energy.

Clark never came home from school yesterday. Mrs. Kent is vibrating with fear. Mr. Kent's rage is shimmering just below the surface. Lex knows they are both hiding something. He senses it in their short answers, like maybe they know where Clark is, but won’t tell, can’t tell him. Panic shoots through Lex as he wonders if Clark left because of him, left *him*. Maybe the Kents know. No. What could be gained by not telling him their son doesn’t want him? Surely, even with all their generosity they, too, would be glad to finally have the Luthors entirely out of their lives.

"When did you last see him, Lex?" Martha asks, hope turned to anxiety by her pain.

"Was he acting strangely?" Mr. Kent adds.

It occurs to Lex that this is an odd addition, but he can't focus on it while he tries to form lies through the thoughts in his head. *I saw him last in my bed.*

The Kents are worried, as if something has happened to Clark, as if someone has hurt him. But their silences conceal something, and Lex has to wonder if they aren’t afraid that Clark has left them. Afraid like Lex is.

"I’m not sure, Mrs. Kent. It's been a few days. Maybe at the Mansion last weekend?" Lex's confidence in his answer is practiced and smooth. It's easier to lie when you know others are lying to you.

*****

Lex doesn't wait for Clark that night. Instead, he sits in his study trying to finish the following day’s work, since he will be helping the search team look for Clark.

The words blur before Lex's eyes and simple problems are hard to work out. The echo of Clark has broken through and become a scream that deafens all other thought.

*****

Lex has a team in a helicopter searching the fields, leaving those on the ground free to cover the town and the woods in teams.

Searching through the woods with Chloe isn't as awkward as Lex might have once imagined.

“...and he pushed me _hard_.” Chloe is telling Lex how Clark had been over the summer while Lex was gone. “I mean,” she continued, “you know how Clark can be really different sometimes?”

Lex remembers a black-clad Clark, looking at everything hungrily, as if he’d devour it, asking Lex to run away to Metropolis with him.

“Yeah, sometimes he’s just not himself,” Lex answers.

They've been searching the woods for about two hours and have reached the cliff near the waterfall. They stand shoulder to shoulder, staring into the chasm below.

Lex knows Clark isn’t his, will never be his. He can sense that Clark belongs to something larger, even if he can’t name the ominous other that keeps part of Clark from him. Is it a secret Lex had once known? Is it a secret that will drive Clark away, something that will make him run again? An empty burn fills Lex’s chest, makes him cold inside and out.

“What’s that?” Chloe’s voice breaks Lex’s reverie.

There is what appears to be red flannel on a ledge below them. It takes some convincing but Lex finally gets Chloe to go for help while he carefully scales the cliff to check it out.

*****

Lex barely remembers the climb down the rocky cliff face. He knows he was reckless, but he had to go, knew something terrible waited for him on the ledge.

The ledge leads to the opening of a cave and Lex is completely unprepared for what he finds inside.

Clark bound, looking miserable and sick. Meteor rocks glittering, scattered around Clark’s prone form and the remains of a fire. Lex's gut clenches with panic. He knows it is important to move the rocks away from Clark. He knows this, but he isn't sure how or why. He pushes the rocks away from Clark as quickly as he can and memory hits him with a flash. Clark, lying on floor, desperate and sick, surrounded by glittering green. Pleading with Lex. Saying something Lex doesn't want to hear. Something...

Lex tosses the collected rocks away, past the fire pit. As he looks down, he sees the remnants of files in the ashes. LuthorCorp files.

"Lex?" Clarks mumbles as Lex is reaching into the ashes. He looks up to check on Clark who seems to be coming to.

The pain is sharp in his head, and the last thing Lex sees is horror growing on Clark’s face.

*****

“C’mon, Lex.” Clark’s voice, something holding Lex. The world swims horribly as Lex opens his eyes onto nothing but noise. No, it isn’t a void, merely the chasm of the Falls. The LuthorCorp copter reels before them, doubling up as Lex tries to look at it.

Clark holds Lex steady, holds him on the ground, and someone straps a safety harness onto him and pulls him aboard. Clark follows, never really letting go of Lex. Lex lets himself sink against Clark as they move through the air, not caring what anyone thinks.

While the ambulance team checks over Lex, the helicopter brings up the two unconscious kidnappers. Clark stands with his parents and watches as they are taken to jail. It occurs to Lex that Clark is unharmed, completely recovered from whatever had been done to him in the cave. Lex's head pounds and his vision blurs, flashing between Clark standing with his parents, and Clark crouched in the crumpled remains of a car.

*****

The light outside is deep, grim grey as Lex sits in his study, drinking scotch and watching the fire. He can’t make himself go to bed, Clark won’t come tonight, or any other night.

Clark told everyone that Lex had subdued the kidnappers and rescued him. He looked hard at Lex when he spoke, as if challenging him to say otherwise.

But Lex didn’t say anything. How could he? He remembers _everything_ now. Watching the car hit Clark, the car crumbling and Clark walking away unscathed. He’d seen it twice. Once Clark had saved him, but what Lex remembers most is Clark leaving Lex there with Dr. Claire Foster, Clark letting them take Lex away.

Not that it matters, Clark came to Belle Reve and tried to rescue Lex, revealing more of himself and his secrets in doing so. He's always come back to Lex; he's come back for Lex even when it was dangerous. But this time feels different.

No, Clark won't be back. Lex knows too much now, and he's sure that Clark knows it. Lex saw it in the hard looks Clark gave him before the Kents took him home. Another stack of unanswered questions to add to the mystery that is Clark Kent.

Clark has never really belonged to him, and Lex knows the secret he remembers will keep them apart, even if the echo of Clark still drones on just under Lex’s skin.

*****

Even through Lex’s darkest dreams, the echo of Clark is still there, keeping Lex barely aware, making him imagine the shift of the bed beneath Clark’s weight, bringing back the feeling of Clark’s hands warm against his skin.

Some men killed for Clark’s blood, others died for it. Lionel looms large in Lex’s dreams, bringing terror to everyone around, even as Clark’s lips brush over Lex’s collarbone. There is blood on Lex’s hands when he looks down, blood of people he’s killed to keep secrets he desperately wants to know. Secrets sealed into his mouth as Clark’s lips close over his.

Lex pushes back hard against Clark, pinning him to the bed. He lets himself go, teeth and nails tearing at Clark’s skin, which Lex’s dreams have made impenetrable. Clark twists beneath Lex, begging for the scratch of Lex’s nails, moaning and pushing his hard cock against Lex’s thigh when Lex calls him a liar, a fake, a fantasy.

The beautiful dream-Clark’s face runs with tears when Lex spits in his own hand and roughly shoves Clark’s legs apart, reaching past his cock. Clark’s pretty white teeth bite hard into his full red lips as Lex pushes two fingers hard into Clark’s dark hole.

“Please, Lex,” he begs. “Make me yours.”

“You’ll never be mine,” Lex answers as he pushes his cock at Clark’s entrance. There isn’t enough lubrication, and Lex wonders how he hurts so much in his own dreams, when the Clark he would punish pushes up and begs for more. Lex spits in his hand again and runs it over his cock as he pulls out and pushes back in.

Clark leans up, trying to capture Lex’s mouth with his own, but Lex fights back, scratching and biting at every tenderness offered him as he thrusts hard into Clark’s pliant body. He reaches up, letting his hand close over Clark’s throat. Clark moans and arches into the touch, making Lex squeeze harder, even as he watches Clark stroke his own cock. The pulse in Clark’s throat races hard against Lex’s hand as Clark comes, and Lex fucks him harder unable to wait, unable to stop, as everything goes black, and red flashes behind his eyes. Everything he has goes out of him and into Clark at that moment, leaving Lex empty, without even a chill in the void this time.

“I’m yours, Lex,” Clark whispers curling against him as he withdraws.

Lex turns away in disgust.

“You’d give yourself to anyone; you belong to everyone,” Lex says.

*****

It is the warmth on Lex’s back that wakes him, making his cock twitch, making Lex suddenly feel how sore his body is, how raw his dick is. He sits up, pulling together the threads of what happened, remembering his dreams. But Clark reaches for him, pulling him back down in the bed and trying to soothe him. Lex pulls away, alarmed, aware that Clark will leave as soon as he knows what Lex remembers.

“Clark,” Lex starts, but Clark cuts him off.

“I do belong to the world, Lex, but I want you.”

Lex just stares, unable to voice the words he knows he has to say, the words that will take Clark away forever, knowing he has to be selfless enough to do this.

“Clark,” Lex begins again. “I know what... I mean, I remember everything.”

“I know, Lex. It doesn’t matter.”

Lex lets himself be pulled back down into Clark’s embrace, knowing this moment is the one time he can’t ask for more, will just take what is freely given.

~finis~

 _The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer._ \- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.  



End file.
